| (no subject) |
[Mar. 16th, 2005|01:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
OH MY GOD
DUDE
OMG
MR. Hargis is SOOO WIERD.
HE gave me a 685/200 points on my notes.
SO, even though I didnt do 3 important assignments, I still have a freken 108.2%
YAYAYAY |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Mar. 9th, 2005|06:47 pm] |
ok.
i have reached a conclusion about guys:
NO MATTER HOW GREAT THEY SEEM, ALL EFFIN GUYS ARE FREAKIN ASSHOLES (sorry mark that excludes you and some others...)
- for some, the assholeiness is very apparent and for others, it takes a while to shine through; but it eventually comes around.. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Mar. 4th, 2005|08:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | fine | ] |
ok sorry everyone.. my previous entry... false alarm lol.
i just have a great tendency to freak out majorly over petty situations :/ so yea...
im fine - i was fine; i think i just overanalyze everything when im in freak-out mode..
anyways, yea..
omg lol my knee is killing me. i was chasing after debbie and i FELL ON MY FACE. it felt good, i felt like a kid again... but now it hurts like heck and my pants, the most expensive pair of pants i ever bought, MY PANTS ARE RIPPED. they have a hole in them but oh well im still gonna wear it i dont care lol.
OMG dude you wouldnt believe it!!! I did my math homework WOW!! it was awesome and i feel good... |
|
|
| what is wrong with me? |
[Mar. 3rd, 2005|07:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | fuck i am in no mood for music | ] |
ok ok.
i dont know what happened.
i really really dont know what happened but everything seems to be coming crashing down on me; am i really that ugly? or is it my bitchy personality? what is it?
gosh.
i dont know why i always end up feeling this way. i knew this would happen sooner or later, i knew it.
gosh - what is it about me?
what makes me so... so... unwanted lol?
preobably cause im sorta ugly but oh well ive accepted that.
gosh maybe i just try too hard :/
its hard to lay back when you really care about something but that something doesnt give a shit about you.
gosh. |
|
|
| what is wrong with me? |
[Mar. 3rd, 2005|07:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | fuck i am in no mood for music | ] |
ok ok.
i dont know what happened.
i really really dont know what happened but everything seems to be coming crashing down on me; am i really that ugly? or is it my bitchy personality? what is it?
gosh.
i dont know why i always end up feeling this way. i knew this would happen sooner or later, i knew it.
gosh - what is it about me?
what makes me so... so... unwanted lol?
preobably cause im sorta ugly but oh well ive accepted that.
gosh maybe i just try too hard :/
its hard to lay back when you really care about something but that something doesnt give a shit about you.
gosh. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Mar. 1st, 2005|12:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | dil chura liya sathiya | ] |
thursday
thursday
maybe on thursday
maybe
OMGOMGOMGOMG
thursday...
OMG |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 25th, 2005|05:20 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | pyar ke liye | ] |
Hello everyone.
I am in a fairly good mood today. It's friday OMG im so happy its friday. That means some rest!!!
I was just thinking... I see him seldomly at school and i dont like that. I think.. i dunno, maybe i should just stop. I do have somewhat control over my feelings for someone and if i really want to i can stop liking him, but i dunno, i dont really want to stop.
I feel that I can relate to him, that he can understand me, and the works you know?
dude
im so confused!!!
if u look at it from a realistic point of view you would say, oh she's just infactuated and shit and he doesnt even like her he likes some other chick. so she's just building false hope.
but, since i have such a wierd optimistic mind when it comes to these things, i always expect a lot but then i get really disappointed and/or hurt.
so what if i didnt expect anything at all? that would suck too cause i wouldnt have anything to look forward to.
i would also do hellallot better in my classes lol. im like majorly slacking. but, if you dont have a crush or anything, then its like wtf. i dont like anyone, why am i even alive? to do stupid school work?
agh, cramps big time dude. i hate cramps it sucks man. guys are so lucky...
i dont see him at all at school actually. just passing glimpses, but ive kinda given it a rest cause it doesnt matter anyway.
i feel like im falling into love with something else, a computer, something you know? cause i dont even talk to him in person. all i know is the msn him, not the real him. does that mean that i would only like the msn him and not the real him? it's so wierd.
and what if, after some more time, i'll actually get to know the real him and then i'd be like oh i like you. but then he would go away to college and i'd probably never see him again in my life. if i still like him, even after he goes, i'd be soo sad and crap. it would suck dude.
so i should stop liking him now.
i guess.
but i wanna like him he's a cool dude.
oh fuck man, i dunno what i should do. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 23rd, 2005|07:36 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | very sad | ] |
i dont feel good. i dont feel good at all.
im a joke.
funny, funny, funny
a joke.
thats all i'll ever be.
a joke.
oh wtf. its not like i could have expected anything better. i cant believe im so stupid and idealistic. damn it.
fuckin shit.
im a fuckin joke.
a joke. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 17th, 2005|07:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  okay...i guess | ] |
| [ | music |
| | kuch toh batta, arre kuch toh batta | ] |
Why is it so hard not to get attached? I feel like i'm falling into a trap; OMG this sucks but at the same time, i feel good cause you know, i love it. but maybe in the end.. maybe um. i wont really feel that good about it. I dont wanna get attached and then really hurt in the end. U know what's ironic? I KNOW that i'll be hurt in the end yet i still wanta do it i still wanna be a part of this u know? I just wanna have fun while it lasts.
ok im kinda out of it; just woke up from sleeping.
i dont wanna get attached damnit but i cant help it; i think it's already too late; im brooding just cause i didnt see him all that much today. i dont like where this is going damnit but i cant help myself. suckiness. shittiful i say.
oh well.
HAHA YOU WONT BELIEVE WHAT I JUST DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG we had an essay due today for kellogg, which i didnt write at all but then during 3rd period i wrote it and i took it to his class 4th period i waited until he left his room and i ran in there and stuck my essay in the stack of essays. DUDE mission accomplihsed YAYAYAYAY.
i also ditched spanish. i shouldnt be doing this so much but i really didnt feel like going. i talked to sandhya all that time. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 10th, 2005|09:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  im okay, got homework to do | ] |
| [ | music |
| | pyar ke liye | ] |
Ok Racheal, this is for you bitch!!!
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Fakh
2. Fakqhira (which is actually my real name)
3. Fawkes
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. lovely_89
2. fawkes737
3. the_fakh
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. im confident in myself (when it comes to academics)
2. im muslim
3. i have a good life, loving family, and great friends
THREE THINGS YOU DON’T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my body/appearance
2. the fact that im not satisfied with what i have and i always want more
3. im a bitch
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. saudi arabian
2. PAKISTANI
3. iranian
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. not accomplishing what i want
2. marrying someone i dont like
3. dying alone
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. almonds
2. messenger
3. a crush
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. socks
2. my roxy shirt
3. a thong...
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS or artists at the moment
1. no interest in american music at the moment
2. YAY indian songs!!
3.
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT (not in any particular order):
1. yeh dil kya kare
2. mere mehbuba (the song version is sorta different than the poem)
3. Thunhye
THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. be good friends with sagar
2. lose weight
3. pass the three ap exams im gonna take
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1. true love, not just love and understanding each other
2. for him to be my official masseuse forever
3. and of course, lust
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE: (SEE IF U CAN FIND THE LIE!)
1. i'm a pimpette (hehe, lie, but maybe later on it wont be)
2. im a loser (truth)
3. i hate no one (truth)
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU... or same sex:
1. intelligence (nerdiness)
2. understandability and just being cool about things
3. not extremely perverted (or if he just doesnt show it)
THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN’T DO:
1. change my fate
2. ever get the advange of someone i like liking me back
3. fakh (until im marrried lol)
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. messenger
2. spending time with friends (even though i dont do it very often)
3. being alone in my room
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. BE IN COLLEGE OMG OMG OMG
2. get a massage from *****
3. not do my homework, damn homework isnt it enough that we toil all through the day?
THREE ...CAREERS YOU’RE CONSIDERING:
1. dermatologist
2. maybe some other medical degree
3. dunno yet
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. *****'s house
2. Mecca, Saudi Arabia
3. Jerusalem
THREE KID’S NAMES:
1. Ayyab
2. Adhila
3. ***** Jr.
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. delve into sufism
2. give everyone i love everything they want
3. convert and marry ***** (hehe)
THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO DO THIS:
1. Charlene
2. Debbie
3. Mark |
|
|
| getting sick is not fun... |
[Feb. 7th, 2005|01:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | actually more like hysterical | ] |
| [ | music |
| | rock a bye baby... | ] |
OMG im like soooooooooooo congested right now. str8 up the nasal cavity dood. i cant even think.
i wish hargis would just die he needs to like die like now... like now now right at this moment. haha im such a bitch but i can justify my bitchy feelings.
You see, i stay up all nite long doing his stupid notes and today, he tells me that im missing them. OMG i feel like OMG OMG OMG. Now i need to freken print out the notes again and redo some sections cause i didnt save all of it. Now WTF!! I am wasting my printers ink, my time, and my brainpower on re-doing the freken notes for him.
OMG i am like NOT gonna take u.s. history with him next year hes the crappiest teacher IVE EVER HAD and i really do mean that.
HEY Y"ALL LETS BOYCOTT HARGIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO ONE SIGN UP FOR AP US HIST. WITH HIM NEXT YEAR WE CAN JUST TAKE IT AT THE COLLEGE!!!
and since most of us will be 16 by that time we can take the whole class in like 5 or 6 cars and we'll pay for the gas altogether. that way we'll get college credit AND h.s. credit, we wont have to mess iwth the ap exam AND WE WONT HAVE TO TAKE IT WITH HARGIS.
HMM i should really look into this. sounds fun.
GIMME some feedback guys. i like my idea.
OMG i can feel my mucous layer melting and my body striving to make more leukomytes (white blood cells...hehe biology)
i need to take a nap doods.
ok bye
fakhra |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 6th, 2005|07:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | shittiful, really shittiful | ] |
what does it take to be a good friend? is it just the fact that im different that is isolating me.. what is it? i try to do the best i can.. but no matter what i do, i'm always hurt in the end.
i guess im like the essense of the word 'loser'. i go for the things i want and when i dont get them ( which is usually the case) i get really hurt. sometimes i think oh fuck it it doesnt matter anyway but it does and i want it. sometimes i wait for the thing to come running after me but that never happens and it never will. who in their right mind would try to come after me? no one is stupid enough to do that.
then if i know all of this and i know it cant change why do i keep on trying to change it? i cant be a good enough friend; i cant be a good enough nothin.
actually, I think i have been a good enough friend but evidently that doesnt seem to be the case. oh well. i dont know what else i could do.
have you ever heard the saying, if you want something bad enough and you work really hard to get it, you'll always obtain it in the end? well that is just bullshit and im living proof of it. |
|
|
| HAHA DITCHING IS THE BEST |
[Feb. 4th, 2005|09:31 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | hehe im in a good mood | ] |
i am like sooooo ditching right now. ive already missed math and half of english.
OMG i stayed up until like 2 in the morn and then woke up at like 4 in the morn doing hmk for hargis. shittiful
i had to do like 3 chapters' notes and like a project outline.
im on the last chapter for the notes. OMG theyre SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO long!!!!
Every chapter has like seven or eight pages of notes; i kid you not
oh well. i need to bring up my grade in there anyways i have like an "F" hehe.
oh well.
hmmmm.
hehe you guys should look at my display pic for messenger. its sagchick. i just finished my masterpiece. |
|
|
| nocturnal |
[Feb. 3rd, 2005|01:40 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | crappiful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | not in the mood dude | ] |
haha
im like SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoo nocturnal. I cant go to sleep and i know fo sho that i havent had ANY caffiene all day today. I need to break this habit damnit. I think tahts why ive been getting really bad migraines for the past few weeks, i havent had any freken sleep.
i guess i would if i did just the school work. but i have to talk and msn and do this kinda crap too so usually like one eighth of the time im doing work and like seven eights of the time im doing crap like this.
Oh well. Im gonna make a promise with myself that i wont use msn tommorrow except to check email (and if someone decides to talk to me hehe). I'll have a crap load to do tommorrow. SHittucks. |
|
|
| one of my favorite urdu poems, complete with an english translation |
[Jan. 31st, 2005|04:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | and sort of lovestruck lol | ] |
| [ | music |
| | mere mehbuba (hehe) | ] |
mere mehbuba (my love)
kissie roas apne (someday)
mulaqaut ho gi (we will meet)
mere jaan ous din (and on that day my life)
mere sath ho gi (will be with me)
magar ye na janne (but i dont know)
kub bharsaat ho gi (when the rain will come)
mera dil hai pyasa (my heart is thirsty)
mera dil akaila (my heart is lonely)
zara thusveer se tu (come out)
nikal ke samne a (and come before me)
mere mehbuba (my love)
mere thuqdeer hai tu (you are my fate)
nikal ke samne a (so come before me)
mere mehbuba (my love)
mere mehbuba (my love)
mere mehbuba (my love)
mere mehbuba (my love)
mere mehbuba (my love)
na janne hai khub se (i dont know when)
magar mein hoon thub se (but ever since i have been)
mere dil mein tere (my love for you)
mohabbat hai thub se (has been)
mein shiyar hoon tera (i am your poet)
tu mere ghazal hai (you are my beautiful poetry)
bhuddie baiquerari (i have much longing)
mujhe auj khul hai (for you these days)
zara thusveer se tu (come out)
nikal ke samne a (and come before me)
mere mehbuba (my love)
mere mehbuba (my love)
mere mehbuba (my love)
mere mehbuba (my love)
mere mehbuba (my love)
hehe, my english translations sort of suck but yeah, the peom over all in urdu is actually very strong... one of my favorites. |
|
|
| i dont like mock trial anymore |
[Jan. 26th, 2005|04:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | and very very pissed | ] |
i think i should quit mock trial. its fun and really challenging but the fucking mr.wright is really fucking pissing me off.
yesterday i borrowed a pencil from kyle wright, his son and then i forgot about it. today when i went to school to get my trig quiz i ran into him and he told me to give his pencil back to him. i said no. i didnt even have it with me cause my purse was @ home. so then i went into ms. renteria's room cause i needed to talk to her and then his stupid dad mr.wright came up to me and said, "you need to give kyle his pencil back. thats not very nice. and i know u were probably kidding around but you need to give him his pencil back". and then i said "well i'll go home and try to find it".
and then he said " if you lost it you need to pay him for it or buy him a new one". then i said "i'll give it back when he graduates" of course i was kidding and then he said "no you'll give it back tomorrow".
i said "okay. and if i cant find it then i'll give him the money. How much does it cost - 30 cents? sure i'll give it back tommorrow. i can see why those thirty cents would matter so much to him" and then he said "well i dont think it was that cheap" and then i said " i think it was that cheap cause im the one who used it" and then i just walked off. i was so pissed. i wish he dies tommorrow. stupid bitch.
OMG hes such an asshole. its just a freken pencil. im gonna talk to kyle about this and tell him to tell his fucking dad to get the fuck away from me cause im not going to put up with anymore of his shit and im gonna give him his fucking pencil and thirty cents.
he makes me want to quit mock trial too - cause hes the one who usually takes us to visalia to compete.
gosh - im not having a good week. |
|
|
| I FUCKING HATE SCHOOL |
[Jan. 26th, 2005|02:03 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  irritated | ] |
OMG i am like sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo screwed. its like fuckin 2 in the morn and im up working on my stupid hist. project. oh fuck it. i dont care anymore.
maybe im trying to do too many things at once. my classes, mock trial...ugh. I just cant keep up. It doesnt seem like much but when u add it up its really a crap load.
im gonna make a list of what i need.
- a masseur
- more time to do my shitty hmk
- to lose some weight
- take some of the teachers out onto a deserted field and shoot them
- to cheer up
- to shave
- to stop crying
oh wtf. i try to stay strong...and look where it leads me to.
really, i think charley's right. i think there is no such thing as happiness in this world. God, where are u? HELP ME
i know i seem to be over-reacting a bit but i really cant help it. in fact, its become inevitable. depression and sadness is probably all my fate consists of. i need a massage. i need to sleep more often. i went to sleep at 2 in the morn yesterday too. i got up @ six to study for my math quiz but i failed that so i just wasted my freken time.
now im doing it again. i hate school. ppl say that if you go to school u will be succcessful,well, those ppl are wrong. school is like a path of self-destruction. too bad its immpossible to avoid. where did the good old times go? when we used to stay in out class and have one teacher in elementary. those times tables, pictures, stories, that was the life.
oh well. its not like i can go back and start all over again. i'll just have to deal with what i have become and what i am becoming. dont be freaking surprised if you see a zombie at school tommorrow and then recognize that its me. i probably will look like a zombie. ive been getting 2 hrs of sleep for the last two weeks, even including the weekends. gosh...
why does life treat me so?
do i really deserve all of this?
wait.. nevermind dont answer that question.
my heads spinning. i cant go to bed. i have to finish. agghhhhh...
i barely even have the strength to type. gosh. I HATE SCHOOL!!! |
|
|
| still in arizona |
[Dec. 23rd, 2004|10:03 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | pessimistic | ] |
Well,
well,
well,
BOOOOOO YAAAAAAAA
okay, that's it |
|
|
| my 2nd entry |
[Dec. 22nd, 2004|07:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crappy | ] |
mein eys jugga se bohot thung huey hoon. F*CK man, Im pissed. ( I dont mean that literally).
Man, I really DO NOT like Arizona. I really really dont like it. It like another hell hole and, incredibly unusual as it may seem, its even worse than Porterville.
I feel shit gotta go |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
the_fakh's journal